Nickelodeon Theories That Will Ruin Your Childhood

Part of growing up is realizing that all your favorite kid shows were actually horrifying. From the unbelievable crimes committed by SpongeBob SquarePants to the grim origins of CatDog, here are some Nickelodeon theories that’ll ruin your childhood!

Fairies From Fairly Odd Parents Create Sad Children

Everyone knows that the fairies of Fairly Odd Parents exist to make kids happy; they’re assigned to sad children to grant their every wish. Or so we thought. On the other hand, Fairy world’s magical society literally cannot function without sad children.

We see in the musical special “School’s Out,” that if all the kids on Earth were happy, fairies wouldn’t be able to grant wishes. The magic they would’ve used doesn’t just disappear though, it builds up inside them, and if left unchecked ultimately makes them explode!

So, it’s in the interest of their survival for kids to be sad, so they can expel all that dangerous magical energy on wishes. Therefore, the fairies make the children of Earth miserable on purpose. But how? Well, fairies wipe the memories of kids when they grow up or no longer need them. It’s supposedly done to ensure that adults don’t learn about magic, but the theory goes that that’s just a cover up. The real reason is far more nefarious.

Although adults forget about their fairy godparents, they don’t forget they had happy childhoods, they just don’t remember why. That means that even if they had neglectful parents, like Timmy’s, they’ll remember being happy. Because of this, they’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes as their parents, so their own kids become sad and need fairy godparents. And the cycle continues!

There’s evidence of this too, in the special “Channel Chasers” Timmy is shown as a father, and he’s just as bad as his own parents. So, to summarize, the fairies are a race of parasites feeding off the despair of humanity for their own benefit. With resumes like that, they should go into politics!

Mrs. Puff’s Dark Past

Mrs. Puff is SpongeBob’s much aggrieved driving instructor. I always felt sorry for her, having to put up with the yellow fellow’s shenanigans all the time, that is until I made some startling discoveries. The so called “Mrs. Puff” is a lot less innocent than she first appears.

In the episode “No Free Rides,” Puff contemplates leaving Bikini Bottom, changing her name and starting a brand-new boating school. But then she dismisses the idea, saying “Not again.” Well, that’s suspicious. She also remarks in the episode “Doing Time” that losing her sanity isn’t a road she wants to go down again. There’s that word “again”, again. Just how many times has she lost her mind and started a new life?

And in another episode, we see inside Mrs. Puff’s house, revealing that she’s been hoarding other characters’ possessions, including SpongeBob’s diary! Just when you think it can’t get any fishier, in that same episode she appears on the front of a newspaper with the damning headline, “Deranged boat teacher makes getaway.” Supposedly she distracted authorities with balloon animals while making her escape. Now watch this clip from “No Free Rides”:

I don’t think there’s any denying it! Mrs. Puff is actually an insane, kleptomaniacal criminal from out of town, living under a fake identity to avoid the law.

Rugrats Never Happened Theory

Any discussion about Nickelodeon theories would be incomplete without bringing up the grandaddy of them all. The babies on The Rugrats are all figments of Angelica’s imagination. In reality, they’re all dead. You know how Stu, Tommy and Dil’s dad, is always spending countless hours making toys in the basement? Well, according to this popular theory, it’s not actually his job; it’s a coping mechanism!

Supposedly, Tommy didn’t survive his birth, leaving a distraught Stu to slave away making toys for the son he never had. And what about the other Rugrats? We already know Chuckie’s mom passed away at some point prior to the story, but what if Chuckie went alongside her in, say, a car crash or something? The tragedy would certainly explain why his dad Chaz is the nervous wreck we see in the show.

As for twins Phil and Lil, the DeVilles were expecting, but decided to terminate their pregnancy. As Angelica never knew the gender of the child to be, she imagined both outcomes. Kimi is explained a little differently. She is alive, but Angelica has never actually met her. Her mother, Kiera, lost custody of her. When she married Chaz and moved to the US, Angelica heard the stories and added Kimi to the group. Like this, the lonely girl created the friends she never had.

But what about Dil? Well, Dil is the only real baby in the cast, he’s the only one that actually acts like one, and so can’t talk to Angelica. Pretty convincing, right? It’s a popular theory, but it sounds like an almighty stretch. Thankfully, co-creator Arlene Klasky agrees! She outright debunked the theory in 2016. Case closed; childhood saved!

Drake & Josh Reality Show Theory

Nick’s live action sitcoms were game changing when they started rolling out in the nineties, but noughties hit Drake and Josh was arguably the most popular. It follows the titular stepbrothers as they get up to all kinds of wacky hijinks. But this next theory claims it stands out from Nick’s other sitcoms, or Nickcoms, in one very significant way. It’s a show within a show.

All the Nickcoms after D & J are in the same universe. We know this because they regularly cross over with each other. Drake and Josh though? We see characters in other shows, like iCarly, watching episodes of it. So this is hardly a theory at all; it’s fact. Drake and Josh is a Nickcom within a Nickcom. But it goes deeper.

In one iCarly episode, Drake and Josh side characters Craig and Eric make a flesh and blood appearance. But if they’re meant to be fictional characters in the greater Nickverse, how does that make any sense?

Well, get this: Drake and Josh is not fictional, it’s a reality show with a Truman Show-esque twist. The titular brothers are the stars, with no idea the extent to which their lives are on show to the world!

Ever wondered how their sister Megan ends up with all those crazy gadgets and gizmos? The showrunners are dropping them to her to spice things up! The duo are aware they’re in a show, seeing as they speak to the audience at the start of each episode. But the theory goes, they have no idea that the cameras keep rolling to capture all their misfortune. That’s got to be illegal!

The Krabby Patty Secret Formula

Admit it, ever since first watching SpongeBob SquarePants, you’ve wanted to know what goes into Krabby Patties to make them so addictive. The key ingredient in a burger like the Krabby Patty is meat, right? So, where does Mr. Krabs get it? Most residents of Bikini Bottom are intelligent, anthropomorphic sea creatures.

The only other creatures we see are small fry like sea snails, worms, and clams, which are depicted as subservient pets. But if the only possible sources of meat are citizens and pets, that doesn’t look great for old Mr. Krabs. Best case scenario, he’s been cooking the Bikini Bottom equivalent of cats and dogs and grinding them up into patties. Will Gary be next then?

This sordid reality has been hidden in plain sight the whole time too; think about it. The Krusty Krab’s chief competition is the Chum Bucket. Chum is literally ground up fish, used by fishermen to attract larger fish. The larger fish being, in this case, SpongeBob and co. Sure, nobody likes the Chum Bucket, but that’s probably just because it doesn’t sugarcoat reality like Mr. Krab’s place does. And that’s the nice answer.

The Bottomites don't like Chum Bucket burgers

The even darker alternative is that Bikini Bottom-ites themselves are rounded up, butchered, and turned into chum before being sold in patties and cannibalized. No matter which way you look at it, it’s super messed up. Of course, there is one other possibility that the burgers are all plant based. All the Bikini Bottomites could just be chowing down on veggie burgers! Who knows. Maybe it’s the meat eater in me, but I can’t picture anybody going as crazy as they do over the vegetarian option!

Racist Doug Funnie Theory

Doug is an absolute classic. The cartoon follows the titular Doug Funnie as he navigates school life alongside a colorful cast of characters. And I mean that literally! Most supporting characters are a vibrant hue, with the most notable exceptions being Doug and his love interest Patty. But that’s where the nasty part comes in. Some people believe that Doug, and by extension the creative team behind him, are racists.

Just think about it. Of all the people around Doug, who does he have eyes for? One of the only other white characters in his class! Is it possible the show was pushing a supremacist message? After all, the other non-white characters are relegated to the background. Sure, this theory would require those characters to be allegories for real world racial groups, but is that really so unlikely? TV has been used as a medium to push all kinds of messages for decades.

Luckily for everyone though, the whole debacle was apparently unintentional. Creator of Doug, Jim Jinkins, came out and said he actually wanted to bypass the issue of race entirely, hence portraying the cast in the now-iconic array of bright colors. Evidently this attempt didn’t work, but was Jim telling the truth or making up porkies to save face?

Stu Is An Arms Dealer

Rugrats is set in the 90s and they didn’t live in an economic hellscape back then, but the Pickles family did rather well for themselves, didn’t they? A big house, and enough income to support the whole family.

That said, Stu is depicted as the main breadwinner yet doesn’t hold a steady job, relying instead on erratically selling whatever invention he comes up with next. In the first movie, his brother points out that not only does he have no insurance, but no savings either. What gives? How have the Pickles kept afloat?

I’ll tell you how; Stu has a dark secret. Know how he’s an avid inventor? Well, when he’s down in the basement he’s not making innocent toys. He actually creates high-tech weaponry and sells it to criminal gangs, foreign governments and black-market agents! Think about it. The Reptar wagon, supposedly the definitive kids’ toy, is for some reason equipped with flamethrowers! You wouldn’t let a kid anywhere near it! He even built a giant mecha Reptar that went on a rampage in Paris!

Let’s be honest, Stu doesn’t sell toys, that’s just a cover story. He sells deadly weapons. How many lives have been lost because of his infernal works? How many families shattered? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

SpongeBob’s Body Count

We’ve already established that the residents of Bikini Bottom are no stranger to dastardly deeds, but surely SpongeBob himself is as innocent as they come? Wrong! He’s the worst of the lot! And I’m not just theorizing. Check this out:

There are well over 50 gravestones there, all because of SpongeBob. Just for some context, notorious monster John Wayne Gacy only offed 33 people in 6 years. SpongeBob beat him in a single “Whirlybird incident,” something he clearly shows no remorse for. What exactly happened? We may never know.

And that’s not all! In another episode, “Bubble Buddy,” SpongeBob left a fish buried near a pool of brine on the pretense that he could ‘experience high tide.” The “bubble buddy” he’d created was supposed to dig him out and stop him from drowning, but it didn’t. SpongeBob literally left him to die.

And how many civilians has everyone’s favorite sponge ran over while boating recklessly? Not to mention that time he utterly decimated bubble town! His body count must be well over a hundred by now. I think it’s safe to say that this sponge is not only the most heinous criminal in Bikini Bottom, he’s one of the deadliest in the world.

Post-Apocalpytic CatDog

CatDog is a weird show, even by Nickelodeon standards! It follows the titular character, or characters, of Cat and Dog, who’re fused together into one freaky hybrid animal. Only, the show never explains where they came from, nor how they were joined, which has led to some wild theories.

Some people say they’re the work of a mad scientist, conducting inhumane experiments in a hidden laboratory. But I’m here to offer a less cliche theory. Ever noticed how run down and decrepit the city of Nearburg, where CatDog is set, is? And isn’t it odd that it’s entirely populated by strange humanoid animals?

Well, that’s because the show is set after a nuclear apocalypse! The animals of Nearburg were mutated by the fallout, causing them to gain incredible intelligence and morph into new, strange forms. CatDog was originally a separate cat and dog before they became fused together by the radiation and began a joint life of existential suffering.

Cat and Dog in CatDog is result of nuclear apocalypse

And there would be a lot of suffering. Now one gestalt abomination, CatDog’s reproductive and waste disposal organs were eradicated. So, yes, they’re forced to poop out of each other’s mouths. No wonder Cat’s always so grumpy.

Hey Arnold Is Actually About Helga

Hey Arnold is a classic Nicktoon that follows the adventures of the titular Arnold as he navigates life in the big city. At least, that’s what the showrunners would have you believe! Let’s look at another character: Helga.

Helga is a supporting character that routinely bullies Arnold, though that’s only to cover up her feelings for him. Her home life is hell, with an alcoholic mother and a workaholic father. They shower love and praise on Helga’s older sister Olga, while not sparing Helga a second thought. They don’t even care enough to remember to pack her lunch at times.

Her whole life is a huge drama, in fact, it’s the central drama. That’s right, Hey Arnold isn’t about Arnold at all, it’s a show about Helga! It’s her struggles the viewer follows most often, she monologues almost every episode, and she’s undoubtedly the driving force behind the story.

Who is it that repeatedly says, “Hey Arnold!” in the opening credits? That’s right, Helga. The title is a quote from our real protagonist! Everything may superficially point to Arnold being the main character, but that’s only because from Helga’s perspective he’s the most important person in the world, the only person to ever show her true kindness and pay her real attention.

The SpongeBob Karate Theory

I’m sorry in advance for this one. In the SpongeBob episode “Karate Choppers,” SpongeBob and Sandy find themselves addicted to doing karate together. Whether it’s at work, at home, in public, they just can’t get enough. It gets so bad that SpongeBob can barely get any work done at the Krusty Krab; all he can think about is karate with Sandy.

If you hadn’t guessed by now, this theory states that karate doesn’t have anything to do with the episode at all. It’s really about getting jiggy with it! They try their best to resist, but after watching each other "slice a big sausage", they can no longer hold back and end up karate-ing all over the place. Leading to this scene:

Was that pillow talk? Followed by the duo being caught in a compromising position? But if you’re still not convinced, what does SpongeBob do when he comes home to find Sandy there, ready to surprise him with “karate?” Safety first? What could that be an allegory for?

Cosmo and Wanda Are Anti-Depressants

So, we know that Timmy Turner is a sad kid. Neglected by his parents, belittled by his babysitter, and bullied at school. It’s precisely why he’s the perfect candidate for fairy god parents,, his magic friends he uses every day to make his sad life more bearable. Sound like anything else?

Cosmo and Wanda are metaphors for anti-depressants! Whenever things get too tough for Timmy to deal with, he reaches for them. In-universe, kids are supposed to lose their fairies when they turn 13, but Timmy is shown to somehow keep his. Could this mean his mental health struggles continue well into adulthood?

The fairies usually only ever help Timmy, providing him with some much-needed solace. But there’s one exception. If Timmy abuses their power by using them too much, dangerous side effects arise. Just like antidepressants! Implying poor Timmy might take more than the recommended dose when he’s in a particularly bad place.

But what of his villainous teacher, Mr. Crocker? He’s always going after Timmy’s fairies. Is he actually a fellow addict desperate for his fix!? That, or a therapist attempting to curb Timmy’s medication use. After all, Timmy’s “wishes” almost always go wrong. Does that mean he’s constantly dosing his medication too high and suffering the ill effects?

Jimmy Neutron vs Invader Zim

You ever stop and wonder what happened to the worlds of your favorite TV shows after the series ended? For instance, Jimmy Neutron, the boy genius with an insane IQ of 210. Someone with his credentials doesn’t end up at McDonalds. What if he was enlisted to work for the US military? There, he creates unbelievable weapons like none we’ve seen before, and when a colossal war breaks out, his high-tech weaponry inadvertently leads to the planet’s near destruction!

Jimmy Neutron creates high-tech weaponry

It doesn’t end there though. Over time, the US is rebuilt, with new buildings rising up over the ruins of the past. But not all could be hidden; the nuclear scorched ozone layer is left a gloomy purple shade. Meanwhile, Jimmy’s now very elderly teacher, Miss Fowl, struggles to deal with the loss of her husband in the war and becomes a cynical, depressed woman. To escape her loss, she decides to use her maiden name, Bitters.

And in the cold vacuum of space, the incredible Neutron tech that was used in the conflict alerts the evil Irken empire to the Earth’s existence. Yes, the world of Jimmy Neutron becomes the one we see in Invader Zim! With the Earth barely recovered from global war, the Irkens see it as worthless. So, it’s the perfect place to ditch Zim, their worst invader. There, he encounters Miss Bitters, but she’s actually Miss Fowl, Jimmy’s old teacher!

And there’s one other factor that links the two shows: Baby Eddie. Eddie is a Jimmy Neutron villain, a super intelligent evil baby. But according to this theory he’s not a baby at all, he’s actually a member of the alien race the Nhar-Gh’ok, from Invader Zim! The Nhar-Gh’ok are super intelligent evil aliens that look like human babies. Voila, it all makes sense!

Angelica's Parents Have Fertility Issues

It's another Rugrats theory about Angelica! We can all agree that she’s spoiled rotten, right? But why is that? There might be an answer, and it’s not very fun. What if Drew and Charlotte have fertility issues? After unsuccessfully trying for a baby for so long, they finally get lucky with Angelica, so they shower her with affection.

We know from the episode “Angelica’s Worst Nightmare” that her parents are ecstatic when Charlotte’s pregnancy test comes back positive. This implies that they want more children and have likely been trying for a while. Then, at the end of the episode, they reveal that, for an unspecified reason, Charlotte isn’t pregnant after all.

What if this was a miscarriage? And what if it was one of many that the pair had suffered? It would explain why Drew is more well off than his brother Stu, but always seems somewhat jealous of him. Because Stu and DiDi never had any problems conceiving! In fact, they have two kids. We see in the sequel series All Grown Up that Angelica is still an only child around a decade later, and is just as spoiled as ever.

What gives this theory such teeth is how realistic it is. The showrunners may have wanted to provide commentary on the touchy subject in a time when it was hardly discussed. If so, I applaud them.

SpongeBob Nuclear Theory

The cast of SpongeBob is composed of a whole host of nautical freaks. You’d be forgiven for dismissing their un-fauna-like intelligence as standard cartoon fare. But the real reason is rooted in horror. Horror and reality! Bikini Bottom seems to be based on Bikini Atoll, a real coral reef in the Marshall Islands. From 1946 to 58, this area was used by the United States as a testing ground for nuclear weapons.

Our theory posits that after the tests, the native wildlife became severely mutated. The ocean in the atoll was irradiated, exposing regular fish, squid, and yeah, sea sponges, to said radiation. What eventually evolved from the neo primordial ooze was something new, something different, something square. Therefore, SpongeBob and the rest of the Bikini Bottomites are all nuclear abominations!

ikini Bottomites are nuclear abominations

Need more evidence? Just take a look at Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: two humans that live in the deep-sea city. Two humans that is, that can breathe underwater and are the same size as the locals. It's likely that this dynamic duo were navy divers sent down to take samples after the tests, who ended up being irreversibly mutated!

This could also explain the crazy technology they possess, it’s abandoned military equipment they salvaged. Still not convinced? Well hold your seahorses SpongeBob routinely uses cut aways for comedic effect, and which one do the creators choose to use here? That clip is a recording of one of the Bikini Atoll nuclear tests!

Dan Schneider Controversies

It’s pretty well established that, unfortunately, show business isn’t always as magical as it seems. Nickelodeon is no exception, and I couldn’t write an article on the topic without addressing that. Child actors on many of their Nickcoms have shared some harrowing stories about working on set. For years, the theories at the center of this maelstrom of controversy all led back to Dan Schneider, one of the lead Nickelodeon creators.

Dan was supposedly responsible for emotionally abusing the child stars he worked with. According to them, he’d regularly launch into shouting and screaming fits as he berated the kids for flubbing lines or even just for feeling uncomfortable with what he asked them to do.

Indeed, it’s all but proven that Dan Schneider made life hell for many of his child actors. Infamously, Amanda Bynes, Alexa Nikolas and Jenette McCurdy are all alleged to have suffered at his hands. The latter two have, both directly and indirectly, outright accused the guy of misconduct. Jenette alluded to an “abusive creator” in her memoir, and both she and Alexa have made various claims online about Shneider.

That’s dark. Seems like she’s covering up her pain with humor. At the end of the day these are all just allegations, for now, but they’re absolutely convincing ones. Sorry to end things on such a foul note.

If you were amazed at these nickelodeon theories that will ruin your childhood, you might want to read about other theories that will ruin your childhood. Thanks for reading!