Secrets People Are Taking To the Grave

Whether it’s something kept hidden out of shame, or something you’re privately proud of, everyone has a secret they can never make public. Fortunately, thanks to internet anonymity, we can get our secrets off our chests to online strangers without anyone we know finding out. From utterly shameful confessions to truly bizarre attractions, here are some of the most astonishing secrets internet users are taking to the grave.

Oh, Mother!

The social media site Reddit is full of bizarre confessions made from behind the safety of anonymous usernames. Users share their confessions in AskReddit threads with titles like "What secret are you taking to the grave?", usually posting under single-use throwaway accounts, and the stories are spectacular.

Whatever weird things you get up to behind closed doors, without breaking the law, is none of my business. But that doesn’t mean it’s going to sound good when you post in online, like this admission from reddit user ChillKyle. One evening during his freshman year of college, ChillKyle and his stepmom had a little too much to drink. And after an emotional chat, they did the unthinkable: they ended up making out! If you’re feeling a shudder down your spine, don’t worry, that’s a normal response! But it gets worse.

After they’d been drunkenly playing tonsil tennis for 10 minutes, Chillkyles dad suddenly walked in on them! Luckily, they broke it off right before his dad actually saw anything, but the pair were left with a life-long secret neither could ever discuss. What’s even more twisted is that this was the first time ChillKyle had ever kissed someone! This Redditor’s therapist is certainly going to have their work cut out when they try to tackle this one.

Toad in the Hole

This next user, who’s since deleted their account, admitted that when they told this story to their therapist, they burst out laughing. If that doesn’t set the bar for your expectations, nothing will. One day, when the Redditor was just 13 years old, they were on their way to a grocery store with some friends when they spotted a tiny frog on the sidewalk. Without telling anyone, they decided to pick the frog up and take it with them to the store.

Whether they got tired of holding the frog, or simply didn’t have enough hands to grab snacks is unclear, but what they did next was hilarious. They wandered over the store’s salad bar, placed the frog right in the middle of the lettuce tray and walked off. The Redditor didn’t know exactly why they did it, but they’re still terrified that their act of whimsy might have given some old lady looking for lettuce a heart attack. Although one wouldn’t leap to conclusions!

Mommy Issues

Moms are superheroes in their own rights, but it turns out they can just as easily become secretly vengeful vigilantes! If you don't believe it, Redditor’s ‘poorelatedthrowaway’s story might just change your mind. When they were about 5 years old, this Redditor’s mom went to visit a friend who also had children of her own.

One of the kids, a young girl, had the bedroom all little girls dream of. It was painted bright pink, had a big canopy bed, and an abundance of brand-new toys. While she was clearly doted on by her mother, her brother was not so lucky. His bare room only had a cage like cot in it, which he was barbarically forced to stay in.

This callous favoritism didn’t sit right with ‘poorrelatedthrowaway’s mom, and she hatched a stinker of a plan to make her feelings known! One day, as the two of them were driving to the park, she pulled out a bag with something suspiciously brown and sticky coating the inside. It looked a little bit like melted chocolate, but the smell was unmistakably that of something more naturally processed!

Before the young Redditor could ask what she was doing, she pulled into a parking lot where her friend’s car was parked. Without a word, she got out and began smearing the stinking, sticky brown substance all over its windshield! Once she was happy with her disgusting display, she simply got back in the car and drove off like nothing had happened!

Having witnessed an event that made his mother look like a criminal, or at the very least, insane, this Redditor decided to keep the entire ordeal to themselves. But as mad as she sounds, you can’t deny that it’s a hilarious way of telling someone they’re a crappy parent!

Hurt Locker

A lot of the secrets in these online confession threads are cringey or funny, but then there are some that just make you feel bad for laughing. Like this admission from a now, understandably, deleted Reddit account. When this user was in the 7th grade, one of their fellow school kids had a faulty locker. No matter what combination you put in, this kid’s locker would always open. It’s unclear why the user decided on their next move, but they stuffed a handful of mini liquor bottles into the faulty locker just before an inspection.

Maybe they thought it’d be funny if the other kid got a month of detention, or perhaps it was payback for something that had happened in the schoolyard. Whatever the reason, when the school’s administration found the liquor, they went in hard and the framed student was immediately expelled! Despite it being the Redditor’s fault, they never had the courage to confess, and the framed kid was forced to attend a remedial school to get a basic education.

Having carried out a prank that might’ve irreversibly changed another kid’s life, it’s not surprising this Redditor kept this confession online-only. In fact, with all that guilt to deal with, you wouldn’t be surprised if this Redditor’s become even more familiar with little bottles of liquor as an adult. Big ones too.

Hornet Horror

Sometimes the dumb things you do when you’re a kid can haunt you into well into your adult years, something that ‘reddit user ‘Butterbean6’ knows all too well. At the age of 12, this guy confessed that he used to be a painfully shy pre-teen. And, like in all cases of childhood introversion, his family decided the best thing for him was to attend a summer camp.

One day, after camp activities had finished, he found himself wandering alone next to a large field where the other kids were playing. He was jealously watching them throw frisbees and catch pigskins with each other, when something in a nearby tree caught his eye. It was a giant hornets’ nest, at least the size of a watermelon, if not bigger!

Curious, and clearly a little bit sadistic, ‘Butterbean6’ grabbed a rock and hurled it at the nest, tearing a huge chunk out of the buzzing bomb. Obviously, a huge amount of very angry hornets started to swarm, and ‘Butterbean6’ bolted away from the scene of the crime!

He managed to escape without a single sting, but the other kids weren’t so lucky. Two of them ended up so badly stung by the sudden swarm that they had to go to hospital! Even though the guilt racked ‘Butterbean6’s tiny conscience, he never owned up to knocking the nest.

Apparently, he still carries that guilt around with him to this day, and he’s about 40! Well, for his sake, let’s all hope hornets never discover how to use anonymous message threads, or this guy will be in for a world of hurt!

The Original Grandparent

It takes a strong will to be buried with a lifelong secret, and Reddit user Dr_Siouxs found this out first-hand after his grandmother passed away. When the Redditor’s family was cleaning out his grandma’s possessions, they stumbled across some hidden documents that threw their family’s history into question.

The Redditor had always known their family tree had a few strange branches. For a start, Dr_Siouxs’s aunt was born in 1945, but his grandfather had been away fighting in World War 2 from 1942 to 1945. So, unless he’d miraculously teleported back home for one night of fun in 1944, it didn’t seem possible that the aunt and grandfather were related by blood.

But the documents Dr_Siouxs found more than confirmed the family’s previous suspicions. They revealed that the grandmother had in fact been married and had a child before meeting ‘Dr Sioux’s grandfather! The grandfather had adopted the grandmother’s first child, the Redditor’s aunt, when they met, but neither of them ever told a soul while they were alive. And to think, most people would probably struggle to keep a surprise birthday party secret, let alone an entire marriage!

Blame it on the Dog

Man’s best friend often takes the blame for some very bad-smelling human behavior. But one, now understandably deleted, reddit user managed to successfully blame the dog for much more than bad gas!

When this user was in their freshman year of college, he’d partied a little too hard one Friday before returning to his parents’ home for the weekend. With a pounding head and a gurgling stomach, he put on some comfy shorts and decided to recuperate by watching TV in the family living room.

Trying to quell the queasiness, he started rocking back and forth on the floor when he suddenly let one rip, only, it wasn’t a fart he’d been holding in! Instead of a bad stench, a big, brown streak was now strewn across the carpet. Mortified, he scrambled to the bathroom to salvage what remained of his dignity. But when he finally returned to the living room to confront his crime, he found his father on his hands and knees cleaning it all up!

The Redditor braced himself for the lecture of a lifetime, but instead, the old man was yelling profusely at the family dog! Poor Fido got the brunt of the blame, and this squirting storyteller was too ashamed to ever reveal the truth! I’m not sure who’s more of a dog in this confession: fido or the freshman!

Chewing the Cud

When scrolling through confessional online threads of these kinds, you’ll occasionally come across something truly gross that makes you throw up in your mouth a little. In the unfortunate instance something like that happens, most people would go to the restroom, or even swallow it back down. But one reddit user admitted that they prefer to chew the action over. Literally.

Under the account name ‘throwaway1423344’, this user described their own sick habit of routinely, intentionally regurgitating bits of food back into their mouth, then re-chewing and swallowing it! This grim bodily function is usually observed in animals like cows, where the chewing of regurgitated food is required as part of their digestive process. Humans, of course, do not need to do this.

But, regardless, the Redditor reported that they’ve been able to bring up food back into their mouth for as long as they can remember. They’ve even figured out which foods bring up stomach acids when regurgitated, and avoid them so that they don’t damage their teeth!

Medical Mayhem

While you can’t help but laugh at a lot of confessions in these online threads, there are others that you wish you’d never read. Like this next one from reddit user ‘Medicus_queendam_arca’. Around 10 years ago, this Redditor claimed they were part of a secret group that would take Medical College Admission Tests on behalf of wannabe-medical-students.

The scandalous cheat ring allowed unqualified students to score top places in some of the best medical schools in the world! But not for free, obviously. Their fee was a staggering $100,000, plus any extras needed to cheat the registration system. This included fake ID’s, fingerprints, and even prosthetics! You could say their methods were downright clinical.

While this may leave some people feeling a little uncomfortable, ‘Medicus_quaedam_arca’ slept easy. After all, they reasoned that if these rich kids couldn’t even pass an entrance exam, how on earth would they pass the grueling tests waiting for them in med school? Convinced they’d probably all drop out, this Redditor had no qualms with what they were doing.

That was, until one of their previous clients really screwed up. Having miraculously completed med school, they’d racked up several shocking malpractice suits! Fortunately, it was nothing too serious, but it was more of a wake-up call for the Redditor than a shot of adrenaline to the heart!

Feeling rightfully ashamed of the countless lives they were endangering, the Redditor dropped out of the money-making club. The group disbanded shortly after, but they never revealed their client list. And with that, you might not want to go to the Doctors ever again! l

Breaking Mad

For anyone with criminal dreams of living the big-money, Breaking Bad fantasy lifestyle, instead of actually pursuing it, why not stay safe and read this confession instead? Reddit user ‘grave987654321’ sets the scene at the customer service desk of a Texan shipping company he once worked at.

One day, a fellow the Redditor instantly recognized as a local dealer of certain illegal pharmaceuticals came in and asked to have a package shipped. The package in question was oddly wrapped up with duct tape, so it was clear there was something inside the dealer definitely didn’t want to the rest of the world to see.

Doing their job, the Redditor took the package and placed it in the delivery area out back, and the story should’ve ended there. But in reality, being overwhelmed by curiosity, the suspicious-looking package ended up in the Redditor’s backpack. Once their shift ended and the coast was clear, they ripped opened the duct tape to find a huge amount of cold hard cash nestled inside; $37,890 to be precise!

If their confession is to be believed, the user left Texas the following month with the money in hand and never returned. Even though the Redditor technically took money away from the illicit drug trade, probably even Pablo Escobar would be proud of that move!

Fire Starter

There’s nothing worse than having a burning secret you can’t tell anyone, and no-one knows that better than Redditor ‘soskk’. They’d been living with one hot secret since they were a kid, but in the safe space of the online thread, they finally felt like they could extinguish their guilt.

When they were just 9 years old, ‘soskk’ found a box of matches inside their dad’s truck. Like any inquisitive, and mildly sadistic, kid, ‘soskk’ wanted to see if he could light one! So, they hopped out and headed into a nearby field, which was full of very dry, and very flammable, wheat.

Clearly not the brightest bulb in the box, ‘soskk’ thought this was the perfect place to try lighting a match. And while his stubby little fingers finally got one to light, it burned him, and he thoughtlessly flicked it away. Like a spark in a tinder box, it only took a matter of seconds for all the wheat around him to suddenly burst into flames!

Roaring fires spread quickly and ravaged the crops, and while ‘soskk’ managed to escape, the blaze ended up engulfing a whopping 10 acres of land. The fire department eventually deduced that this wasn’t an accident, and all eyes turned to ‘soskk’ for an explanation.

Even though it was his dumb actions that started this fiery saga, he was smart enough to lie, and pointed the finger at a neighborhood boy. The boy was known to be a troublemaker, and the blatantly biased authorities had no problem believing he was to blame. Thanks to ‘soskk’s arsonist itch and lack of conscience, the boy was sent away, and they never heard from him again. That confession may have been red hot but keeping this a secret for so long is an ice-cold move.

Dumpster Damage

Do you ever see a car idiotically parked somewhere it shouldn’t be, and secretly hope that a little karma gets driven in their direction? If the answer is yes, then you’ll love the little accident Redditor ‘Quiddity99’ had just over several years ago.

During their shift at a convenience store, Quidditty99 was tasked with hauling one of the store’s huge dumpsters out back. It was a massive metal bin, full to the brim with all kinds of waste, fortunately, it had wheels, but Quiddity99 still had to use all their strength to push it into place.

However, they hadn’t noticed a small slope leading to the designated dumpster area, which caused the gigantic, metal bin to suddenly pick up speed! And like that wasn’t bad enough, it was at this exact point they saw an expensive-looking convertible moronically parked in the designated dumpster spot!

They tried to slow the dumpster down, but the inertia was too strong! Out of all other options, ‘Quiditty99’ put their body on the line, and frantically forced themselves between the car and dumpster, but it was too heavy! With no-one around to help or judge, they squirmed out of the way as hundreds of pounds of metal and garbage destroyed the convertible’s door.

Considering the dumpster was technically where it was meant to be, Quidity99 quickly returned to work and pretended like nothing had happened. Although the secret-sharing Redditor clearly felt bad, I think a lot of the blame rests squarely with that poorly parked pinhead!

Burning Friendship

How far would you go for your best friend? Would you do anything for them? If your answer is yes, you might be on the same level as ‘theband65’. According to this reddit user, his best friend owned a restaurant that was on the cusp of becoming really successful. But a spanner was thrown in the works when ‘theband65’ found out his crazy uncle had hatched a plot to murder his sworn enemy there! Apparently, the uncle’s enemy felt safe in the restaurant and wouldn’t have his guard up, which sounds like a plan plucked straight out of a Godfather movie.

‘Theband65’ tried to persuade his uncle not to do it, or at the very least, not in the restaurant. But when the uncle wouldn’t change his mind, ‘theband65’ took matters into his own hands and decided to save his friend’s restaurant’s reputation.

Not by going to the police, that’d have been too simple. Instead, he burned the restaurant to the ground. Figuring his best friend would get the insurance money and start a new restaurant, he destroyed the thing his friend had poured his life into.

Although the Redditor admitted he was once confronted on the matter by his best friend, he denied any involvement, and the secret remained buried in the restaurant’s ashes. There’s definitely a lesson here: when the only solutions to your problems are burning down buildings, it might be time to reassess who you’re spending time with.

Hamster Airlines

Everyone makes stupid mistakes when they’re kids, but being able to keep one covered up, up until adulthood like Redditor ‘InfectedLeg253’ did takes skill. Or psychopathy. Or both!

When they were about 8 years old, ‘InfectedLeg’ was over at a friend’s house playing with their pet hamster. When the friend went to the restroom, ‘InfectedLeg’ thought it would be fun to take the hamster on the flight of a lifetime. InfectedLeg grabbed the hamster and flew it around the room, spinning really fast and gripping it harder than intended while doing so.

But the flight turned out to be too fast and too furious, because, whether through shock, stress, or a fatal fear of flying, the hamster died in the Redditor’s hands! Panicked, they threw the hamster into its water bowl and told the friend the creature must have accidentally drowned. The friend never found out, and ‘InfectedLeg’ never fessed up. But after doing something like that, I’d half expect the Redditor to receive annual visits from the ghost of hamsters past.

Double Digits

When looking for love, we all have our preferences. But while some people like a nice smile or beautiful eyes, not everyone’s physical preferences are the same. Just ask reddit user ‘UCanThroUrOwnWay’. In a much shorter admission than most, ‘UCanThroUrOwnWay’ revealed that they weren’t interested in the usual ‘blonde or brunette’ debate.

They’re just really attracted to girls with polydactyly. For those who don’t speak science, that’s a special condition where people are born with extra fingers and toes on their hands or feet. While most can’t say they share their tastes, there are certainly some practical applications to this kind of attraction. At the very least, the back rubs would be amazing.

Flowerpot Fumble

Sometimes when nature calls, there’s no other option but to answer. One reddit user, whose account has since been deleted, knows this all too well, and their confession is such a stinker, you might want to grab a peg.

The Redditor claims he once worked for a landscaping company, planting flowers and taking care of gardens. But one day while he was working in a client’s garden, he felt the urgent need to take a number 2. Unable to hold it in, and apparently too proud or too flustered to ask to use a restroom, he chose a flowerpot to fertilize. After checking that the coast was clear, he let rip.

After five minutes of straining and squatting, the pooping protagonist realized he needed to hide the evidence. So, he dug a hole and buried the flowerpot in the client’s garden, assuming nature would take care of the rest. But only after he’d finished did he notice something that would scar him for life. The entire family he was working for were standing on their balcony, mouths open in horror, having watched everything that just happened.

As the gravity of the situation set in, the troubled turd-tamer fled the site in shame, albeit feeling a little lighter. He quit the job, but never told his boss the real reason why, which is understandable. And that, my friends, is how not to bury a secret!

I hope you were amazed at these reddit stories of people taking their secrets to the grave! Thanks for reading.