Toy Theories That Will Ruin Your Childhood

They say our childhood days are simplest of our lives. And some of your fondest childhood memories may involve hours and hours playing with your favorite toys. But what if I told you some of your childhood favorites may not be all they seemed to be. Play time’s over, as we dive into some of the most disturbing theories about your favorite childhood toys.

The Lego Fleshbrick Hypothesis

From the Millennium Falcon to Hogwarts, Lego bricks will build just about anything you can imagine. All in all, a bit of harmless fun, but have you ever stopped to wonder what these bricks are really made of in-universe?

Considering that, in the Lego-verse, both Lego figures and Lego houses are made of the same material, some fans have pointed out that, logically, this means they live in homes made from their own matter. In short, Lego people building Lego houses is like us humans constructing buildings with our own bodies. Pretty creepy, but things get even more chilling when you think about it further.

The main question the theory brings up is, what comes first: the Lego brick or the Lego man? It’s possible that, upon reaching the end of their lives, Lego citizens are subject to a kind of compulsory organ donation, in which their parts are repurposed into the bricks used to construct Lego structures. These structures retain the memories and feelings of the Lego men whose flesh they were once part of, silently plotting against the unsuspecting Lego figures living inside them.

An alternate explanation for the Lego fleshbrick hypothesis uses real world science to flip the theory on its head. The idea goes that, in reality, both humans and bricks, as well as everything else in the universe, are fundamentally made up of atoms and molecules. So, within the context of the Lego world, the term Lego might refer to the fundamental atoms that make up everything in its universe. Is this theory more plausible? Yes. But are you ever going to forget the fleshbrick theory now you’ve heard it? No way.

While the concept of fleshbrick Lego structures is just a theory, in reality, there are some very real parallels we can draw between the fascinating realms of Lego and human biology. Ulnar dimelia, more commonly known as mirror hand syndrome, is an ultra-rare congenital condition where someone is born with an extra or duplicate hand-like structure. With less than 100 cases recorded in human history, cases of mirror hands offer a glimpse into what Lego biology looks like in the real world.

My Little Pony Cutie Marks Theory

The phenomenon of My Little Pony began more than 40 years ago, with the first generation of plastic ponies released by Hasbro in 1982. But one hidden detail may make you look at them a little differently. For the uninitiated, each My Little Pony character comes complete with a unique symbol on their rears known as cutie marks. While just an adorable design quirk on the surface, the true purpose of cutie marks is a subject of intense speculation and debate among fans.

Officially, cutie marks are magical symbols that appear on each ponies’ flank to represent their unique talent and personality. In-universe, cutie marks are celebrated as symbols of individuality, personal growth, and finding one's true purpose in life.

When a pony discovers their talent and earns their cutie mark, it's supposed to be a moment of celebration. But there’s one dark fan theory that suggests a more sinister interpretation of what these marks could really be doing to ponies.

In one episode of the MLP animated series, Apple Bloom is infected with a mysterious condition called Cutie Pox, that causes fake cutie marks to appear all over her body. In an unsettling turn, she’s compelled to perform multiple talents against her will, and as it turns out, the new cutie marks are to blame.

Apple Bloom Gets The Cutie Pox (The Cutie Pox) | MLP: FiM [HD] by Letupita725HD★

Some fans believe the mere existence of Cutie Pox suggests these marks can turn a pony's talent into an obsession, forcing them to perform their skill even if it goes against their freewill. In the case of Apple Bloom’s cutie pox, the ponies deduce she’s being punished because, out of eagerness to discover her special skill, she prompted her cutie mark to appear before its time using magic. But isn’t this even more proof that whatever higher power is behind cutie marks has nefarious means to punish ponies that step out of line?

It’s possible that, given the abilities they display during an outbreak of cutie pox, cutie marks may work as a form of psychological reinforcement, like a drug affecting the brain. When a pony does what their mark tells them, they feel good. But if a pony refuses to fulfill their mark's expectations or goes against its wishes, like Apple Bloom does, they are punished.

Even the placement of cutie marks is super creepy when you stop to consider that they mirror livestock brands seen on cattle in the real world, symbolizing a lifetime of conformity and control. But maybe that’s exactly why the world of Equestria is so peaceful. If ponies are constantly focused on their cutie marks, they’re less likely to question what’s really going on.

Cabbage Patch Conspiracy

When it comes to the best-selling toys of all time, you’d think the cuter the better, right? Wrong. Enter the Cabbage Patch Kids. Despite their unnerving appearance, people went crazy for these freaky-looking toys on their debut for Christmas 1983 with over three million dolls sold by the end of that year.

From 1983: Demand for Cabbage Patch Kids causes chaos in stores across America by PIX11 News

While the dolls’ popularity was undeniable, the real question is: why make a child’s toy that’s so ugly? Well, some toy fans of the more retro persuasion think they have the answer. Legend has it that, in the early 1980s, President Ronald Reagan feared that nuclear war with the Soviet Union was inevitable. Survivors, if any, would likely be horribly deformed from exposure to radiation and pass on their deformities to their children.

Supposedly, Reagan tasked government scientists to determine what post-apocalyptic humans would look like and to come up with a way to prepare the American public for their appearance. The story goes that these scientists exposed real human test subjects to high levels of radiation, then took samples of their altered DNA to breed babies. The results were infants with tiny, beady eyes, chubby limbs and indistinguishable fingers and toes.

The Reagan administration then hired Coleco Toys to manufacture dolls based on the mutant infants with the aim of familiarizing children with their post-nuclear futures.

If this all sounds ridiculous, that’s because, well, it is. While the source of this bombshell of a theory is unclear, some say it came from a disgruntled Sears employee in West Virginia who hated the dolls so much he made up a fantastical origin story to tell customers.

Another band of theorists pose that the Cabbage Patch Kids’ plump appearance has nothing to do with nuclear mutants, but instead, obesity. This wild spin on the dolls’ origins claims the Reagan administration predicted the rise of obesity and wanted to make sure the heavier generation of the future found each other attractive enough to keep reproducing. Offensive? Yes. But is it more believable than the nuclear mutant theory? I’ll let you be the judge.

While I’ll give these theories points for managing to tie a child’s doll to the center of a government conspiracy, the design of the Cabbage Patch Kids may not be so secretive. The official story is that the dolls were created back in 1976 by 21-year-old art student Xavier Roberts, five years before President Reagan’s first term in 1981, making his involvement in the doll’s design just about impossible.

But whether you believe the rumors or not, one thing’s for sure, when it comes to the Cabbage Patch Kids, the only thing growing faster than their sales are the evergreen theories sprouting up about their origins.

Hello Kitty Mouth Cancer Theory

First appearing on a coin purse in Japan in 1975, Hello Kitty has gone on to become a global icon. But this little kitty might be hiding the most disturbing origin story so far. You might have noticed that most iterations of Hello Kitty don’t have a mouth, which seems a little strange when you consider she’s globally renowned for spreading the message of friendship. But some fans suspect that there’s something incredibly dark behind this blank expression.

Legend has it that Hello Kitty was created by an unnamed Chinese woman whose fourteen-year-old daughter was terminally ill with mouth cancer. To cure her daughter's illness, the mother made a deal with the devil. In return for saving her daughter’s life, the devil instructed the woman to create a cartoon character appealing to children worldwide in attempt to initiate them into satanism. Yes, according to this theory Hello Kitty is an agent of the Devil.

Believers of the theory suggest that Hello Kitty herself has mouth cancer, forcing her into silence and acting as a manifestation of the woman’s daughter in cat form; while her pointed ears represent devil horns. If that isn’t enough to convince you, theorists also uncovered that the word "kitty" translates to "demon" in Chinese, meaning that Hello Kitty actually means Hello Demon.

This convenient translation is where the theory starts to unravel. In fact, there doesn’t seem to be any translations for the word kitty meaning demon in any of the major Chinese language variations. Not only that, but Hello Kitty is not Chinese, but Japanese, in which the word for demon is oni, which sounds nothing like kitty. Even the story itself has no concrete evidence to back it up and seems to have originated from an email thread back in 2008.

Sanrio, the company who created Hello Kitty, has explained the character lacks a mouth because she quote-un-quote “speaks from the heart”. Her blank expression makes it easier for the person looking at Hello Kitty to project their feelings on to the character and be interpreted as happy or sad together with the person.

The only connectable thread for the theory is that Sanrio’s founder, Shintaro Tsuji, did lose his mother at an early age which could explain some inspiration for it. But even that’s tenuous at best considering the legend refers specifically to a mother almost losing her daughter, and not a son losing his mother.

In the end, it seems the creepy rumors around Hello Kitty are merely meant as a scary story that subverts the brand’s cutesy reputation. In other words, we’re not allowed to have nice things anymore.

Tickle Me Elmo

In the history of consumer hysteria, few phenomena rival the Tickle Me Elmo craze of 1996. If you’re too young to remember, Tyco’s Tickle Me Elmo was a doll version of the famous face of Sesame Street that chuckled and vibrated when cuddled.

Tickle Me Elmo ad 1996 by Millennium VHS

Released in July 1996, there were 400,000 Elmos upon initial release, but by Thanksgiving all the dolls had completely sold out. The giggling doll was the most sought-after toy in America since the Cabbage Patch Kids, and parents were willing to do just about anything to secure one for their little darlings. And I mean anything. In December, one Walmart employee was even taken to hospital after being trampled by a stampede of 300 customers scrambling to get their hands on one of just 48 dolls left in stock.

Not only was the Tickle Me Elmo craze causing physical harm, but beneath the surface is a not-so-funny theory that suggests a more calculated play by manufacturer, Tyco. According to some speculative accounts, Tyco, realizing the potential for a hit toy, intentionally withheld additional batches of the much sought-after doll in secret warehouses across the country.

This alleged scheme was designed to engineer a sort of artificial scarcity which ignited demand in the frenzied parents scrambling to get their hands on the doll. It’s possible that after seeing the consequences of their actions, Tyco were keen to put a lid on the whole incident and thus, their scheme for artificial scarcity was never revealed to the public. Of course, there’s no concrete evidence to support this theory. But there’s no doubt the short supply of Tickle Me Elmos could inspire nefarious marketing tactics to come, and they certainly won’t be all fun and games.

Care Bears Voodoo Theory

Created for American Greetings in 1981, the Care Bears have become a global symbol of friendship and childhood. However, some fans believe these beloved bears could actually be preaching the mystic practices of Voodoo. In the Vodou religion, believers commune with spirits known as Loas, each represented by symbols called veves. The Voodoo Care Bear theory suggests that the Care Bears’ famous belly badges are metaphors for veves, with each bear embodying a Vodou spirit.

One proposed connection is between Love-A-Lot Bear and the Loa, Erzulie Freda. Love-A-Lot’s belly badge, featuring intertwined hearts symbolizing closeness and loyalty in true love, mirrors Erzulie Freda’s veve, which also represents love with a heart design. Love-A-Lot and Erzulie are both strongly associated with the color pink, and it’s also theorized that Love-A-Lot’s twin hearts represent the duality of Erzulie Freda, first as the Loa of romantic love, and secondly as Erzulie Danto, the Loa of motherly love.

Some fans have also pointed out another creepy connection between Birthday Bear’s cupcake badge and the veve of Baron Samedi, the spirit who joins the worlds of the living and the dead. It’s possible the sparks on Baron Samedi’s veve may mirror the candle on Birthday Bear’s badge with the frosting just below, while the base represents the cake.

Additionally, the Care Bears are often shown travelling by magic ship, which is said to allude to the historical arrival of Voodoo practices in the US via slave ships in the 18th and 19th centuries. And finally, the similarity between “Care Bears” and “Carrefour”, a commune within Port au Prince in Haiti known for Vodou, adds fuel to the theory.

While the voodoo Care Bear theory isn’t as cliché as a teddy bear poked full of needles, the idea of voodoo symbolism being snuck into a kids’ toy is a theory with some holes of its own. While Voodoo is often associated with dark magic in popular Western culture, in reality, it actually promotes peaceful living, and has been largely misrepresented.

Additionally, the parallels between the bears and Vodou spirits are probably coincidental, given how commonplace symbols like hearts are. So, while the idea of Care Bears moonlighting as Voodoo spirits adds a sprinkle of intrigue, it's likely just a whimsical tale spun from colorful imaginations rather than stitched from Voodoo veves.

Let’s be real, the idea that the Care Bears were purposefully designed to indoctrinate children into Voodooism is, in a word, insane. But we’re not done with these bears just yet, and things only get worse. Another theory poses the idea that the bears’ seemingly innocent demeanor is masking a dark truth. That is, the Care Bears are not guardians of love and happiness after all, but predators in disguise, motivated to interact with humans for one nefarious reason.

In-universe, the Care Bears are rarely seen eating regular food, which begs the question of what they are using for sustenance. The idea is that instead of consuming food, they feed off human emotions to keep them going. In the guise of toys, the Care Bears venture beyond the confines of Care-a-Lot to seek out vulnerable individuals, mainly children, whose souls are ripe for binging on.

Much like farmers, in this theory, the Care Bears go around cultivating whichever emotion suits their unique “diet” under the pretense of promising comfort and companionship to their victims. Then, they feed. Now that’s terrifying. Although maybe a soul-eating bear would be less terrifying than things of the furrier persuasion. YouTuber ‘Sara Likes Clothes’ posted this ghastly Care Bear costume tutorial back in 2011.

Halloween Tutorial: Care Bear by Sara Likes Clothes

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Theory

If you grew up in the 80s or 90s, you probably spent some time reading, watching, or playing with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Under the guidance of the wise and benevolent Master Splinter, the turtles’ main purpose in life is to keep New York safe from our heroes’ archenemy Shredder. But some fans have speculated this mission may be misguided.

In the 1987 cartoon the toys were based on, Master Splinter was originally a human ninja known as Hamato Yoshi who fled to New York after being framed for a crime by his longtime dojo rival Oroku Saki, who later became Shredder. After finding the once ordinary turtles in a sewer, Splinter was turned into a rat by the same mysterious ooze that mutated them.

From that moment on, he treated the humanoid turtles as his adoptive sons, acting as their mentor and caretaker. But why would he do this? Well, it’s possible that Splinter’s affection for the turtles is purely superficial, and his real motivation is to use them as tools to serve his own interests.

On the surface, Splinter’s actions towards the turtles appear benevolent, providing them with food, shelter, and martial arts training. But consider this. New York must be teeming with wrong doers the turtles could take down, but Splinter’s training regime is often solely focused on bettering their skills to fight his personal archnemesis Shredder and his followers. As the only father figure the turtles have ever known, Splinter is perfectly placed to indoctrinate the turtles into believing that defeating Shredder should be their one and only goal.

There’s also evidence to suggest that outside of their ability to defeat Shredder, Splinter doesn’t seem to care about the turtles’ wellbeing. For one thing, while dark sewers are ideal homes for rats, most turtles rely on sunlight for optimal health, which obviously isn’t on offer in a sewer. Not only that but it seems the turtles’ diet is made up of purely pizza, which implies Splinter couldn’t give two shakes about their nutrition despite their demanding training regime.

The question is, if the turtles were successful in defeating Shredder for good, what would become of them? Would Splinter abandon them, leaving them purposeless with only their pizza addiction for comfort before slowly succumbing to their fates?

The Barbie Clone Theory

Despite debuting all the way back in 1959, there’s no denying that we’re still all living in a Barbie world. But for creator Ruth Handler, Barbie wasn’t just a doll, she was family.

Barbie was named after Ruth’s daughter Barbara, which is a very sweet and wholesome detail. But that sweetness turns just a little sour when you realize that Barbie’s longtime love interest Ken was named after Barbara’s own brother Kenneth. That’s creepy. But Barbie’s unsettling family connections go way beyond her and Ken’s familial romance.

In 1995, Barbie introduced us to her youngest sister Kelly. That was until, in 2011, Kelly was silently replaced by an almost identical doll named Chelsea. But Kelly isn’t the only one. Through the years, Barbie’s had a string of family members mysteriously vanish without a trace, including her twin siblings Tutti and Todd, and most disturbing of all Krissy, Barbie’s infant sister.

All this got fans thinking: where did these elusive siblings go? And what’s really going on with Barbie’s family? One theory might explain things, and it all tracks back to the main lady herself. But trust me, you’re about to see Barbie in a whole new way, mask off.

Stick with me. For Barbie to have as many careers as she does, a staggering 250 at the last count, she can’t possibly be operating as just one individual being. So, one fan has put forward the idea that she isn’t just one individual, but instead operates as part of a larger decentralized hivemind all collectively known as Barbie.

This theory was put forward by YouTuber Ted Nivision, and while Ted’s idea was inspired by the Barbie movies, or BCU if you will, it’s still applicable to the doll line. Ted suggests that Barbie’s three sisters, Kelly, Stacie, and Skipper, each represent a different part of an evolutionary cycle to become a fully-fledged Barbie in the wider hivemind. At each stage of the cycle the dolls learn new skills and, when their training is complete, move on to the next stage.

I Watched Every Barbie Movie Ever Made by Ted Nivison

But what’s all this got to do with those disappearances? Well, it’s thought that Barbie noticed Kelly was struggling to advance her training and, to sustain the expansion of the Barbie hivemind, set about the extinction of all Kellies, replacing them with the new-and-improved Chelseas. Kelly’s exorcism from the hivemind might also explain the disappearances of Barbie’s other, often forgotten, siblings: they also failed to meet the requirements.

What’s more, upon Chelsea’s release, Barbie’s manufacturer Mattel confirmed that Kelly and Chelsea are the same character, proving that Chelsea did replace Kelly, but there may be more to it. Across the pond in Europe, Kelly never existed. But an identical version of Barbie’s youngest sister named Shelly did.

There’s never been any official word from Mattel on the reason why Kelly is known as Shelly in Europe, but most fans agree it’s because another toy brand in Europe already owned the rights for the name Kelly, meaning Mattel weren’t able to use it. In response, Mattel rebranded both the Kelly and Shelly versions of Barbie’s little sister to Chelsea, so that she could be known worldwide by one name. So, the truth may be less hivemind and more money-minded Mattel that’s behind Barbie’s lost family members.

Either way, all these missing family members can’t be doing much for Barbie’s never-ending presidential campaign, those are some pretty sizeable skeletons in her closet. And that time she got Ken’s name tattooed on her tramp stamp style? That's quite scandalous!

Beanie Babies Spider Eggs Hoax

If you were alive during the '90s, you’ll know the grip Beanie Babies had on kids and adults alike. But this next disturbing rumor suggests that these little teddies have been hiding an incredibly creepy and crawly secret on their insides all along.

You’ve probably noticed that instead of the traditional squashy stuffing found in most plushy toys, Beanie Babies are filled with what feel like hardened little pellets. But in 2014, the story broke that the pellets inside Beanie Babies were actually long-dormant brown recluse spider eggs, a venomous species known for their bite.

The article claimed manufacturer Ty Inc had actually admitted to stuffing Beanie Babies with 6,000 eggs apiece when first producing the toys in the ‘90s. Collectors were warned to watch for signs of arachnid emergence, the sounds of ripping fur, protruding hairy legs, that kind of thing. But it soon became apparent that these sensational reports didn’t really have legs, spider or otherwise.

For one thing, brown recluse spiderlings can’t lie dormant inside their eggs for decades, they usually emerge around a month after they’re laid. Not only that but it turns out the theory was never actually intended to be taken seriously. The viral article detailing the Beanie brown recluse outbreak was ClickHole, a satirical news site known for posting spoof journalism. In reality, spider eggs have never been used to fill Beanie Babies.

Instead, the plushies are filled with nurdles, a type of polyethylene plastic bead, or bean, hence the name: Beanie Babies. Even so, just the thought of these cuddly friends from my youth being home to thousands of lurking creepy-crawlies is enough to unravel any remaining Beanie nostalgia.

What is inside a Beanie Baby by Liz Marchio

Elf on the NSA Shelf

The Elf on the Shelf: A Christmas Tradition is a children's book published in 2005 that tells the story of a group of Santa's elves who hide out in houses to watch children to see if they’re naughty or nice.

At night, the elves fly back to the North Pole, before returning in the morning to play a game of hide-and-seek, where the children look for their elf in a different spot each day. Each book comes with a toy elf and encourages parents and children to play the game in real life. Overall, it’s fun for all the family, right? Wrong.

In 2014, reports circulated that the now hugely popular Elf on a Shelf toy is actually an intelligence gathering device invented by the US National Security Agency. The secret had apparently been revealed by former NSA contractor Edward Snowden as part of his whistleblowing campaign started back in 2013.

While the idea of the NSA sneaking agents masquerading as Santa’s elves in our homes is enough to ruin Christmas forever, fear not. Snowden’s shocking confession first popped up in the Duffel Blog, a self-professed parody news site specializing in satirical military stories.

Even though the Elf on the Shelf isn’t really an NSA spy, some still believe the toy is conditioning children into more easily accepting a surveillance state. Many have pointed out The Elf on the Shelf encourages children to get used to constant monitoring while making sure to follow rules and be on best behavior because they’re being watched.

So, when parents bring The Elf on the Shelf into their homes, are they inadvertently preparing a generation of Santa-fearing children to blindly accept increasingly intrusive modes of surveillance? Or to put it another way: Santa Claus equals the government and all your and your children’s dreams are dead.

If you were amazed at these toy theories, you might want to read about the craziest cartoon secrets. Thanks for reading!