Plans That Didn't Go As Expected - Part 2

Sometimes, a great plan in theory is a disaster in practice. Other times, the plan itself is a dumpster fire to begin with. The tales you’ll witness unfold below are a truly facepalm-worthy mixture of the two, but they all share one thing in common: none of them went as planned.

The Great Emu War

In 1932, Western Australian farmers were struck by a big, feathery problem. 20,000 emus, large, flightless birds native to the country, had moved inland and were ravaging crops with their voracious appetites. With the Great Depression in full swing, a single wrecked harvest could spell ruin for farmers, so they relayed their concerns to the government.

In response, the Australian government put a group of seasoned soldiers on the case, armed with machine guns and 10,000 rounds of ammunition. Expecting an easy fight against the somewhat gormless birds, they located a large group and opened fire. But the speedy emus proved more cunning than expected, scattering into small groups and dodging the incoming gunfire. Only a handful were killed, and most got away.

A series of similar encounters followed, each more humiliating than the last, and tens of thousands of ammunition rounds were wasted. Eventually, the military gave up, handing the task over to bounty hunters. Despite their sophisticated equipment, the military’s overly-confident plan went down in history as a truly bird-brained affair.

1904 Olympic Marathon

The 1904 Summer Olympics were held in St Louis, Missouri, and were expected to be a spectacular event, showcasing the very best of the world’s athletes. For the most part, it was a success. But the men’s marathon was one of the most humiliating disasters in sports history.

For starters, the race was run on mostly unpaved, country roads that were dusty enough to almost-fatally choke out several runners. Temperatures measured 92F, but thanks to the high humidity, it felt more like 130F. Runners dropped out of the race left, right and center, with some even hitching rides to the stadium finish line. Others stopped and laid down for a while along the way, unable to bear the heat.

A Cuban postman joined the race last minute, running late after losing all of his money in New Orleans on the way. Hungry, he stopped midway through to eat some apples in an orchard which, turning out to be rotten, caused him to have stomach pains and lay down for a nap. Even so, he still finished fourth. African tribesmen Len Taunyane and Jan Mashiani also encountered trouble when they were chased a mile off course by aggressive dogs.

One runner, 7 miles from the finish, was given a concoction of egg whites and strychnine by his coaches as a boost. Strychnine, in case you weren’t aware, is a component of rat poison that supposedly works as a stimulant in small doses. Driven on by this alarming concoction and a sip of brandy, he went on to win the race, albeit suffering hallucinations and total exhaustion. For America’s first Olympic games on home soil, the story of the marathon stole the show in the most unexpected of ways.

Pittsburgh Bank Robber His His Red Beard With A Fake One

In 2015, one man proved that utterly failing plans are not just a thing of the past. After a string of successful bank robberies around Pittsburgh, the heat was rising for one red-bearded robber. He knew he needed a disguise if he was to continue his crime spree. But instead of a face-mask, glasses, or anything like that, he opted for a fake beard, to go over his real one. His color of choice? Red. Just like his real beard.

Needless to say, police soon apprehended him and arrested him for 6 robberies. No word on whether he got to keep the fake beard. He deserves to be featured on our stupid criminals series!

B-52 Accidentally Drops 2 Nukes In North Carolina

When it comes to the threat of nuclear war, usually it’s the arsenals of foreign nations that make a person nervous. But in 1961, the US government dropped not one, but two nuclear bombs on its own soil in North Carolina.

When a B-52 bomber carrying 2 nukes started leaking huge amounts of fuel, it was forced to prepare for an emergency landing. But a weight imbalance meant that the plane started to break apart mid-air on its descent. The men on board were forced to abandon the craft, and three died in complications surrounding the crash. The nukes, each one holding destructive power 250 times greater than the one dropped on Hiroshima, broke free and fell thousands of feet to the ground below.

Thankfully, one of the bombs disintegrated on impact without detonation. The other became caught in a tree, and was prevented from exploding by a single, final-measure safety switch. Had the switch failed, as switches of this kind had been known to do, it would’ve changed the course of history as we know it.

Streisand Effect

When megastar Barbra Streisand tried to suppress the spread of an image of her Malibu residence in 2003, she had no idea how far the outcome would stray from her aims.

The image had been taken as part of a study into coastal erosion and had only been accessed 6 times before Streisand sued the photographer for a whopping $50 million. But after news outlets around the world caught wind of Streisand’s efforts to keep the access routes to her home a secret, viewership of the photo ballooned exponentially.

In a single month, the photo was viewed 420,000 times. On top of that, Streisand lost the lawsuit, and had to pay the photographer’s legal fees. Thanks to this total failure, companies’ and people’s attempts to suppress information that result in it being accessed more than it otherwise would now have their own name: the Streisand Effect.

Cane Toads In Australia

Back in the 1930s, Australia was facing a problem. Farmers were losing serious amounts of money on cane sugar harvests, as the crops were being devoured by cane beetles. So, the Australians shipped in a hundred-or-so cane toads, who were known to feast on the pesky bugs.

Unfortunately, those toads refused to stick to the cane fields in which they’d been placed. They spread throughout Western Australia, blossoming into a bigger problem than the one they’d been brought in to fix. Today, Australia’s cane toad population is as high as 200 million, and they devastate Australian eco-systems by feasting on insects and poisoning essential predators that try to eat them.

Their adaptability and high breeding rate puts entire native species at risk, and it’s only going to get worse if Australia doesn’t figure out a new solution. Hopefully they won’t opt for sending in bigger toads! If you want to delve into the details of this issue, we made a full article about the cane toads crisis.

Robbery Fail

When it comes to robberies, intimidation is a big deal. But this robber, caught on CCTV in January 2020, in Brazil, comes up short in the fear factor.

Bandido é ignorado e desiste da tentativa de assalto by TV Andradas - ANTV

He approaches staff and guests at a café, announcing his presence and intention to rob them. But instead of agreeing to his demands, everyone simply ignores him. Again, he tries to intimidate and threaten them, but to no avail. Eventually, he gives up, and runs off with his tail between his legs. Like an aspiring Instagram influencer, this wannabe thief is just left seeming desperate for attention. He also deserves to be featured on our stupid criminals series!

Julius Caesar And The Pirates

History’s favorite cover-boy, the Roman emperor Julius Caesar, was a man with some serious cojones. If you don’t already believe it, let's investigate the time Caesar was kidnapped by pirates. When the pirates stated their ransom price for Caesar’s return, he laughed in their faces at the low price, noting that they must clearly not know who he is.

While waiting for his ransom to be paid, Caesar showed no fear, and was his usual charming self with the pirates. Well, other than when he’d occasionally remind them that once he was freed, he’d be back to deliver them all into a world of pain. And, once released, he made true on his word.

Expecting Caesar’s claims to be nothing but hot air, the pirates remained on the island upon which they’d held him captive, and soon there arrived a fleet of Roman ships. Caesar’s men captured the pirates, took them to the city of Pergamon and crucified the lot of them.

Makeshift Breathalyzer Joke

Being crucified isn’t always so literal. Sometimes, people get crucified by sheer embarrassment. Like a guy, who seemed determined to convince bouncers he’s sober enough to get into a nightclub. After arguing for his sobriety for a few minutes, the bouncers decide to test him with a makeshift breathalyzer.

Only, this breathalyzer doesn’t test for blood-alcohol levels; it tests whether the user is sober enough to realize what it really is a radio. As the bouncer notes, the test worked a charm.

Bride Arrested In Michigan

For most people, their wedding is expected to be one of the most magical days of their lives. But, thanks to some individuals’ criminal tendencies, that doesn’t always go to plan. Take this next woman, who refused to remove her wedding dress and veil after cops carted her off to the station during her ceremony. She’d been on the run for identity theft, and her wedding was the first time cops caught wind of her return to town.

Fla. Bride Arrested In Michigan by WESH 2 News

Another woman received a DUI after causing a 3-car accident while on her way to her own wedding. Early in the morning, should be added.

Woman en route to wedding arrested for DUI in Marana by ABC15 Arizona

Be it from theft charges, fraud, reckless driving or otherwise, images like these crop up online more commonly than you might think. But may as well make the most of that wedding dress, seeing as a most of these ladies seem headed for a long time in an orange jumpsuit.

White-Tailed Eagle Reintroduction

After the white-tailed sea eagle was hunted to the extinction in Great Britain, conservationists battled for its reintroduction to re-balance the eco-system it had once existed in. In the 70s, this hope became a reality, and the 6.5-ft wingspans of the eagles were once again seen in Scottish skies. But soon, awe turned to terror, as the eagles began stealing farmer’s lambs and even attacking a clergyman.

The issue’s only grown in the past decades, and efforts to combat it, including flying helium balloons in the air above fields to scare the eagles off, have been unsuccessful. Maybe they should try painting pictures of hunting rifles and scary faces onto the balloons?

James Fridman’s Photoshops

If there was ever a master of the unexpected in the digital age, it’s a fellow by the name of James Fridman. For years now, James has been carefully crafting photoshops to meet peoples’ requests online. Only, James likes to be a little interpretive in his work.

Like when a young man asked James to make him look older, and less like a child. He delivered, though you can't be sure the kid’s got much to look forward to if the photoshop turns out to be accurate.

Another girl asked for a Kim Kardashian-style booty enlargement courtesy of Fridman’s skills. He certainly gave her a bigger behind, though her body shape is now classified as full circle.

This girl wanted all the people removed from the background in this Liberty Island snap, and James was very thorough in following instructions.

Another girl wanted her boyfriend’s face to be a little smaller. Her wish was James’ command.

In a stellar effort, this girl got her wish to be photoshopped into space.

This fellow requested James to cover up the naked statue so he could show the picture to his religious mother without offending her.

Or the guy who requested that James modify the picture so that he’s standing by himself instead of surrounded by other people. James, of course, delivered.

And then there was this kid, who asked James to make him taller than his dad. The photoshop guru came through, in the hilariously-unconventional way only James Fridman can.

If the truly unexpected is something you’re looking for, just drop James a message on Twitter. With some cropping, a content-aware fill, and a cutting tool, he’ll make your worst dreams come true.

If you were amazed at these plans that didn't go as expected, you might want to read part 1. Thanks for reading!