Stupid Builders Who Should've Called An Architect

Stupid Builders Who Should've Called An Architect

June 9, 2024・

20 min read

Stupid Builders Who Should’ve Called An Architect / Stupid Builders Who Had One Job And Still Failed / Construction Fails So Bad You Will Cringe[JF1]

Ever since I was a kid playing with LEGO, I’ve been fascinated by buildings. But I realised pretty quickly that you should leave all the tough, real-life stuff to the pros - the architects. However, not everyone had that same epiphany. Now the world around us is full of everything from crooked churches [JF2] to butt-burning benches. [JF3] So, get your safety vests, boots, and hard hats at the ready as we take a look at construction mistakes by stupid builders who had one job and still woefully failed.

Cheap Seats

There’s no experience quite like going to a live sports game. But imagine how angry you’d be after forking out $175 for an NCAA football ticket, [JF4] just to find out the view looks like this[JF5] . Yikes! No amount of beer and hotdogs would fix that. Section 16, Row 41, Seat 2 at the Arizona Stadium in Tucson, Arizona, has been dubbed the worst seat in college football – and understandably so. About 90% of the field is blocked by a massive concrete wall – and with no visible video board you’ve paid all that money to not watch the game[JF6] . I’d say whoever built this stadium wasn’t the biggest Wildcats fan[JF7] . Boy, I sure would be asking for my money back. Now, these might be the worst seats in college football, but they’re not the worst seats I’ve ever seen – oh heck no. That award goes to this nightmare[JF8] . Jeeeeez. Somebody’s built a brick wall in front of the seats, completely blocking the view. I can’t tell what stadium or sport this is, but whatever goes on here can’t be very interesting… so, baseball? That’s the only way I could stomach watching an entire game. *yawn*NEXT!

Dodgy Decking

Ahhhh, the great outdoors. Ain’t it great for the soul? Well, for homebodies like me it can be hard to remember to touch grass every once in a while. That’s why I take pride in having a huge deck. It’s the best of both worlds. Just, promise me you won’t do what this absolute dingus did. This anonymous soul thought it would be a good idea to stick a massive hot tub on some very flimsy decking[JF9] . Only, something tells me they’d forgotten to account for just how heavy a hot tub is. A 6-person tub, which I’d guess this was, can hold up to 475 gallons of water. That’s just under 4,000lbs in water weight alone[JF10] . Jeepers. That’s nearly what I weigh after Thanksgiving. Unsurprisingly, those spindly little legs buckled beneath all that weight. Now, I’ve not seen the after photos, but I’d guess that hot tub looks more like a hot mess after this collapsed.

Spiteful Settlement

Momma always used to say, “A house is made of bricks and beams, a home is built on love and dreams”[JF11] . Which is cute, but she clearly never saw this house in Petare, Venezuela[JF12] [JF13] . Ick. Nope, this looks like it was built from wet sand and false hope.Whilst the lean gives me enough anxiety to make sure I never sleep again, there might actually be a very clever reasoning for it. See, some countries tax houses based on the square footage of the home that occupies the land. So, to pay less tax homeowners build houses with smaller ground floors and expand the house the higher they go. Now, that might not be the case for this house in Venezuela, but it could explain why we end up with other houses like these[JF14] . Oh my. I feel like if you moved a glass the whole thing would topple over! Whilst the land tax is a viable explanation, there’s a good chance they could also be spite houses. These are buildings constructed on small plots of land built with the sole intention of annoying somebody else[JF15] . Yup – seriously. Say your enemy has a nice view from their window - you’d buy land and build a property that obstructs that view[JF16] . Wow, talk about being petty. In all honesty though, I don’t know why exactly these houses turned out like they did. Maybe it’s spite, maybe it’s tax, maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, it makes me a little uneasy. Why don’t you let me know your thoughts in the comments.

Fidenae Failure

It blows my mind that the Colosseum[JF17] is still standing almost 2,000 years after it was built.[JF18] Phwoar! Those Romans sure knew a thing or two about knocking up something sturdy. Ha! Maybe not all of them. See, Emperor Tiberius [JF19] wasn’t too keen on the gladiatorial games – more so, he wasn’t a big fan of hanging out with the yucky common folk.[JF20] So, he cut sponsorship for the games, [JF21] hoping it’d deter regular Romans from wanting to go. [CK22] Only, it didn’t put them off – it only made them want to go more![CK23] So, in 27AD, one entrepreneurial Roman named Atilius saw a budding opportunity to build his own amphitheatre [CK24] at Fidenae, five miles north of Rome[JF25] , to host his own gladiatorial games.[JF26] But massive amphitheatres aren’t cheap to build – and Atilius had no money. He cut every possible corner he could whilst constructing his amphitheatre. The soil foundations weren’t suitable[CK27] , he didn’t dig the supports deep enough, and he built everything out of cheap timber. [CK28] So, when 50,000 Roman citizens descended [JF29] upon Fidenae for the show, the entire structure catastrophically buckled beneath their weight. [CK30] A shocking 20,000 people who came to watch the show tragically never went home. Ouch! To this day, it’s still the worst stadium disaster in recorded history. In response, the Roman Senate banned anyone with a fortune of less than 400,000 sesterces – as much as $600,000 today [AW31] – from hosting gladiator shows[JF32] , and demanded all future amphitheatres must be on properly inspected foundations. As for Atilius, he was exiled never to be heard from again[JF33] . [JF34] Phew! Exiled? This frugal fraud caused 20,000 innocent people to lose their lives and all he got was a little banishing?! If you’re asking me he got lucky!

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Slanting Spire

Recently I was vacationing in Europe, and I couldn’t believe how old some buildings are. I mean, some of their churches have been around for hundreds, if not thousands of years[JF35] ! This is the Heiliger Virgilius [JF36] Church in Virgen, Austria, and it was consecrated all the way back in 1516[JF37] .[JF38] *cough* sounds dusty! For a building over 500 years old, it looks remarkably fresh. But there’s one tiny detail that really gets my goat. At some point, a clock was added to the Church’s spire, and, I’ll be darned, they’ve not put it on straight[JF39] .What’s worse, it’s like that all the way around.[JF40] Arrrghhhh! Now, the only logical explanation I can think of is some silly sausage accidentally bought the wrong sized clock, and to stop it covering the teeny tiny window they’ve had to offset it. Either way it hurts my soul to look at.

But a wonky clock is the least of Europe’s holy sins. In Chesterfield, England, the St Mary and All Saints Church has a rather iconic construction failure that’s impossible to miss. The 228-foot spire leans nine feet to one side and is all twisted and contorted[JF41] . Woah. Initially people reckoned the strange shape was due to a shortage of skilled craftsmen in the 1360s, when the spire was built. After all, Europe had been absolutely ravaged by the Black Plague just a few years before[JF42] . The most fatal pandemic in human history, it claimed the lives of a staggering 75 to 200 million people. However, more recently, researchers believe that the warping of the spire is due to the lead covering on the wooden shingle tiles. When the sun crosses the sky, the south side heats up much quicker than the north side and becomes more malleable. Over hundreds of years this contrast in temperature has caused the top to twist and lean[JF43] .Hmmm, I’m not convinced. I’m putting this down to some satanic lightning bolt smacking the spire. Yep. That’s what I’m going with and no one’s gonna convince me otherwise.

Reach for the Readies

Who remembers the last time they paid for anything in cash? Not me! I just tap away to my heart’s content. Even if I wanted that sweet moolah, if I was at this Tehran branch of Bank Melli[JF44] , Iran’s central bank[JF45] , I probably wouldn’t be able to get it anyways. Some utter moron has installed the cash machine a bajillion feet off the ground[JF46] . Look at this poor customer struggling to reach his money.[JF47] On the plus side, the chances of anyone reading his pin over his shoulder are close to zero! But the downside is you have to spiderman up the wall to get your hard-earned wages. Why? Well, it’s not exactly clear. But Iran’s currency, the rial, has been having a really bad time as of late, and as such, trust for the banks is really low.[JF48] So, this branch could’ve deliberately put the ATM too high to deter people from taking their money away. It’s just a theory – but surely no one’s stupid enough to mess up a job that badly?

One Step Beyond

Ever since the tiny house revolution a few years ago, everyone’s looking for the next ground-breaking, space-saving initiative. In fact, some people are so desperate - I’d say they’ve gone literally insane. Take this kitchen design. It looks perfectly normal. It’s got a nice breakfast bar, an island, a staircase… wait what? [JF49] Do my eyes deceive me? Nope, not one bit. They’ve integrated a staircase into the kitchen counter. That’s gross. Imagine trying to eat your cereal in peace with someone’s grubby little piggies right next to the bowl. *gag* Don’t make me barf! I respect the attempt at ingenuity, but this ain’t it. I don’t wanna be eating Toenail-o’s for breakfast. Credit where it’s due, at least it seems to work as a set of stairs. The same can’t be said for this monstrosity[JF50] . Woah! Now that’s a deadly tumble waiting to happen. It looks like an overpass above a railway station that someone hasn’t measured properly, leaving this giant gap between the two sections. I sure hope they found a way to fix this booboo or they’re gonna have a lot of angry commuters on their hands!

Wonky Workmanship

If you’re paying a contractor hundreds, if not thousands of dollars to do work on your home, the least you’d expect is for them to measure things properly, right? Well, some bums can’t even be bothered doing that. One homeowner spotted an off centre join between their ground floor and [JF51] upper floor. The building appears to be structurally sound, however I’d never be able to fully relax in that house again.Still, that’s not the worst design fault. When another homeowner had their new kitchen sink fitted, they arrived home to find this gargantuan guff awaiting them[JF52] . Ewww. Why’s every angle in this wrong? Well, there’s a chance that this countertop was pre-cut for another job and the homeowner managed to cop it for a tiny price. Worth it or not? I dunno. Another possible explanation is that the whole countertop has been fitted upside down. It looks to me like if we flipped it, it’d look straighter. [JF53] What I think though is this sink was perfectly designed for someone with one arm considerably bigger than the other. *sniff* Makes me feel warm inside knowing old Leonardo Long-Arm can finally do the dishes in peace. [JF54]

Hot Seat

As soon as the sun comes out I’m hitting up the beach. Speedos on, coconut in one hand, factor 5,000 sun cream in the other. It’s summer, baby. However, if you’re kicking around the coast near Sydney airport, Australia, be careful where you park your patootie[JF55] . Some so-called “genius” decided to install metal benches for people to sit on[JF56] . Now, I know what you’re thinking – they’re a little dirty but they don’t look that bad. Yeah, my problem is nothing to do with how they look. Temperatures in Sydney can often go above 104 degrees Fahrenhei[JF57] t. The metal would get so hot you could grill meat on it[JF58] ! So just think about what would happen to your poor little hiney… Yowchie. I can hear the sizzle from just looking at this. Maybe if you’re super tired, then by all means take a pew. Just be aware you might leave a little bit of your behind… uhm, behind.

Bathtime Bedtime

Anyone who’s moved homes recently knows what a ball-ache it can be. Everywhere’s so expensive now – my dollars don’t go as far as they used to. Luckily, I saw an advert for a cosy little one-bedroom flat with ample storage and my own private bathroom. Unluckily, when I turned up I got confronted with this[JF59] . Yuck! Some greedy little landlord has built a bunkbed above the bath. Now, where I live, they’d still charge you $400 a week for this dive. I know there are gonna be some people out there who see this and like the convenience – but those fuzzy black dots on your pillowcase aren’t a good thing. Your bedsheets would be so damp and mouldy all the time. I don’t know any self-respecting adult who likes sleeping on a soggy mattress. I only do it when I get night-terrors. Whoever you are out there, you deserve better than this. I’m scared as to what other “space saving” alterations might be going on in this room. Do you wash your hands in the toilet too? GROSS!

Sinking Feeling

Have you ever found yourself washing the dishes when your phone dies and you just wish you had a convenient charging port within arm’s reach? Nope, neither have I. That would be dangerous. But this next homeowner clearly had, and decided convenience was more important than safety when they installed this[JF60] . *exasperated sigh* Some people really test my patience. Unless you want an electrifying experience doing the dishes, keep your outlets as far away from the sink as possible. I’m really praying this was just a prank and that’s not a real power socket. You can buy fake outlets online that stick to any surface[JF61] , so I’m gonna hedge my bets and say someone’s stuck one of them on the inside of this sink as a joke. At least that makes me feel a little better about it. Otherwise? I’ll be utterly shocked at the state of humanity.

To the Windooow

I’m convinced Ohio’s not a real place. It’s a government simulation designed to distract us from the truth. Don’t believe me? Well then, explain this awful building[JF62] . That single tiny window screams glitch in the matrix to me. [JF63] Sadly, my theory falls apart pretty quickly. This is the Cleveland Athletic Club in Ohio[JF64] , [JF65] and pedestrians passing by have wondered for years why one of its walls sports just one lonely window on it. It certainly wasn’t built this way. Here it is in 1911 and there’s nothing but wall[AW66] [AW67] . So, at some point between 1911 and now someone’s added a sole window into the side. [JF68] Pretty weird, right? There are thousands of myths, the most bizarre being that a disgruntled former employee supposedly smashed through the wall with a hammer. [JF69] Personally, I’d guess at some point the internal layout of the building was changed, creating a room without a window. For a skilled worker, cutting a new window wouldn’t be too hard. Still, it seems a little strange that such a move around would only result in the one new window, doesn’t it? Do you know the real answer? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments.

Fire Thing

I like to think I’m pretty handy in an emergency. Sometimes I’m the three ‘C’s – that’s “cool, calm, and collected”. Other times, I’m a colossal chump crying in the corner. It’s the best of both worlds. Well, I think even the most competent in a crisis would struggle with this Chinese fire hydrant[JF70] . I love health and safety just as much as the next person, but in the event of a raging fire burning down a building, it helps if the handrail isn’t getting in the way. Now, my hawk-like eyes can see that there is a join on the handrail [JF71] – so I’d assume that there’s a way of pulling it apart. But who’s really got the presence of mind to disassemble metal pipes in an emergency? “Excuse me, Mr Fire. If you could just hold it right there whilst I pull apart this hot metal.” Yeah… Not gonna happen. I’d say better advice would be ‘in the case of an emergency, run the heck outta there and don’t look back’. Remember, heroes, capes are a hazard[JF72] . Save yourself.

Cars of the Future

The world is filled with good and bad drivers - having only crashed my car four times this year, I’d say I’m getting pretty good. But none of my farfetched fender-benders are quite as strange as this garage door I saw in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. [JF73] It takes a certain kind of person to crash into a stationary object, I should know – I’ve done it plenty of times. But it takes someone really special to crash into one three stories high[JF74] - and it seems to me like this 3rd-storey garage door has indeed somehow sustained damage from the outside? So many questions.Say WHAT?! Okay, calm down – flying cars don’t exist. Historically, many old buildings had delivery doors on their second floors through which grain or hay could be delivered on a pulley system.That way, it spared the gruelling work of carrying tons of heavy bags up the stairs.[JF75] If I had to guess, I’d say this building might’ve been an old bakery, and at some point the new owner decided to stick a garage door in the hole instead. I can’t lie, cracking that bad boy open in the summertime and letting a cool breeze in must be heaven. As for how it got that big dent in it? It’s Philly, man, your guess is as good as mine.

Poor Privacy

The older I get, the more I value my privacy. I don’t want any old riff-raff poking their nose in my business. If you’re like me and you want to keep the outside out, I’d think twice before hiring either of these next contractors. When one homeowner in Utah [JF76] extended their driveway, they had to get their front gate redone too. However, I don’t think what they got is gonna keep anyone out – take a look[JF77] . [JF78] Woah! Is this real life or a video game glitch? You could ride a horse through that gap. What a goof! Still, at least it’s just one panel - unlike this problematic partition[JF79] . This is some of the worst workmanship I’ve ever seen![JF80] Instead of giving this Massachusetts homeowner a clean, even fence up the hill, the builders have saw-toothed every single panel[JF81] . It looks to me like these panels aren’t even the same size! Yikes! I guess it just goes to show that if you’re getting any work done to your property, the cheaper deal isn’t always worth it. Sometimes you’re better off paying that extra bit of money to get something that isn’t going to hurt your eyeballs.[JF82]

Scareway To Heaven

One thing I’m not a big fan of – heights. *shiver* My legs feel like jelly just thinking about it. So, imagine how I felt when I saw this terrifying staircase on the outside of a skyscraper[JF83] . I don’t care how broken the lift is – there’s no way I’m taking those stairs. This is the Kongresshaus in Biel, Switzerland[JF84] , and luckily for me and my undies, these stairs aren’t functional. Oh, thank the lord! It’s an art installation designed by Swiss based artists, Lang and Baumann[JF85] . They installed two 6ft doors and a 17ft staircase two thirds of the way up the 164 feet tall building[JF86] . Hold up! Only 164 feet? Why does it look so tall then? Well, the building design features many clever tricks of perspective. See these grid windows just here?[JF87] They create the appearance of many floors, giving the building the illusion of being really tall! How smart is that? The external staircase helps to draw the eye upwards by offering a break to the flat concrete surface which further adds to the illusion[JF88] . Also, it makes a great talking point – I mean they fooled me and I’m hella smart! Y’know what? This has won me over – I’m gonna say this is actually genius. Just don’t make me walk on it or there’ll be trouble.

One Door Kinda Closes

*sigh* Heartbreak sucks. I should know, I’ve had a few. But one thing people always tell me is “when one door closes, another door opens.” And it’s true! I can’t remember what wife I’m on now… But recently I found an exception to the rule. Check this out[JF89] . Wow! [mystically] Is it open? Is it closed? Who knows! Jokes aside, this is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen. There’s got to be a 4-inch gap! Somehow whoever took charge of fitting this door didn’t realise it was the wrong size until they’d already attached all three hinges. But hey, maybe I’m being quick to judge. Could this be the work of some genius dad who’s sick of his kids slamming doors all the time? I just hope it’s not the bathroom door – that’d compromise my private pooping.

Still, at least a door is an easy fix – not like, say, a pillar[JF90] . Ummm, what? This is outside the Olde World Bagel and Deli in Colorado Springs[JF91] , and some keen-eyed onlookers noticed that the “support pillar” isn’t actually supporting anything. It’s just floating there. There’s a bigger hole there than there is in their bagels! Sheesh! The pillar was probably added at a later date as a purely decorative feature, but it’d sure bug me going there knowing there’s a massive gap for everyone to see! Hey, maybe on special holidays they fill the gap with cream cheese and lox. Now that sounds delicious!

Wheely Bad Idea

Life’s gotta be tough for less-able bodied people. I know society has made some progress in recent years, but every so often you see something so stupid it really hits home how much better we’ve still gotta do. Check out this wheelchair ramp in Cabo, Mexico[JF92] [JF93] . Yikes. Accessibility is everything, but your arms would be exhausted after hauling yourself up this steep ramp. As for going down… that poor person would break the sound barrier before colliding full force with an inconsiderately placed potted plant. Now that’s what I’d call a face plant. Jokes aside, this must violate practically every building code I can think of. Shame on you, Mexico. Do better!

If you thought that was bad, wait until you see what this monumental goofus has built. They’ve marked a disabled parking bay, but the entire thing is surrounded by a massive concrete ridge[JF94] . Huh? How’s anyone meant to get in or out? Beats me! I’d guess many of those responsible are just doing this to look good – because unless you’re looking for somewhere to park your unicycle, this is absolutely useless. Ugh! How much of a dumb-dumb do you have to be to clear this.

Phew! We’ve made it without a splinter in sight. Why don’t you let me know which of those calamitous constructions was your favourite in the comments down below. Thanks for watching!